If I could, I would wave my magic wand to send a shower of hearts and flowers to women everywhere. Instead men are often expected to send flowers and buy a box of chocolate. Yet, there is something special about even a single rose. While I find that the price of a rose on Valentine’s Day is obscene, I confess that I have come to expect them, especially since learning that real men do buy flowers. And so women wait for the hearts, the flowers, and little signs of affection. When I read, “Are Secure Relationships the Key to an Exciting Life?” by Craig Malkin, Ph.D., I thought about why it is that some men are generous lovers.
The 3 reasons:
Women love receiving flowers. Some men learn about giving flowers and love from their own fathers. Some learn from men’s magazines that flowers are a romantic joy. Still others learn from women.
1) A role model
John Devore, in writing “Why real men DO buy flowers,” talked of the flowers and little gifts his father gave to his mother. The man was a princely role model in a loving marriage. Devore wrote:
“They never seemed to tire of each others’ gentle words. And 45 minutes after he died, on my mother’s birthday, FedEx walked into the ICU with her present…. While my mother was in a street fight with doctors (and a dependably cruel universe) for every dwindling minute of my dad’s life, he had been sitting up in his hospital bed, buying her something he knew she’d love.”
2) Men’s magazines encourage the good guys
There really are good guys out there who take pleasure in seeing the smile on a woman’s face when they give a gift.
French researchers found that if you want to increase your odds of making a good first impression with a woman, it’s as simple as bringing her flowers—or, if it’s too early for that, reserving a table at the nearest garden café.
So potent is the effect of fresh petals, the study found, that merely sitting near a floral display caused the man to “appear more attractive and sexier.” The study authors also observed that the presence of flowers made women more likely to give up their phone number to a complete stranger.
Regarding the validity of the study, I can't vouch for it at all. But I can admit to being an incurable romantic.
Sitting in a diner recently, I noticed that the counter was abloom with an exquisite bouquet of 18 deep-red roses. I asked if there was a special occasion. “From a secret admirer,” said the waitress. At that moment I wanted to write on the vase: “Dear Giver — You are a keeper.”
3) A woman takes initiative
One colleague started a tradition. After they were married, just before their first Valentine’s Day, she sent a note to him reminding him to send flowers to her office — several days before the price for roses skyrocketed. He did just as she suggested with an added surprise that still continues. He assumes the personality of different movie character each year and writes a note that fits the character’s personality. Once he was Snow White’s prince and another time he was Captain Jack Sparrow. She never knew if he would be setting a tone for the night with a bed of roses or a silk blindfold.
Is he The One?
Men who boast that they never send flowers or buy gifts on prescribed holidays are often single or divorced. The late sexologist Carol Botwin relays how such a withholding trait can doom relationships. If you do care about the man in your life and are hoping for a bouquet — yet fear he is clueless — take some tactful initiatives and give him a few hints. Yes, real men send flowers. Their gifts are meaningful. Their love is tender. And they are keepers.